If you are one of my 'adoring fans' who read my offerings regularly you've been short changed these last few months with no up-date for so long. Though I'm sure those of you who read the last entry could guess why. The last words I wrote were a sincere and determined intention and for a while I succeeded in fooling even myself that life did go on. But these things lie in wait for you and seep into your mind at the dead of night.

I trained as a Psychologist so I knew all about grief; from the outside. I had been touch by grief before when my grandmother died, but then it was different. I loved my Gran but she wasn't tied so close to me. No one could be, except for my father. As a result I've been taking time out for me, time to reflect, time to heal and hopefully time to grow a little from all this.

Over this time my main concern has been my father. He had a stroke a few years ago and came to rely heavily on my mother for a lot of things so his life was turned upside down in every way. In the past year I've watched as he has gone from someone who had 'curled up into a ball' emotionally at least, to someone who has come to a sort of acceptance and started to build a new life (in a way so have I). Over the summer we were able to get him out to visit us and I think that helped us both, although it did remind me of my one regret that my mother never saw this country, she would have loved it's scenery. Since the visit my father has started to make plans for the future and purchase new 'toys' to play with in it. So that's a sign for the good. He's made some new friends and strengthened contacts with some of his brothers and sisters. Which is also to the good.

All in all we're on the mend and hopefully we'll mend faster once the first anniversary (Christmas Day) is out of the way.................What the h*ll!

Merry Christmas to us all and to you too!